The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
