Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
