who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
