I'm so fucking centered right now
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
