i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
