There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
