What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
