did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
All the doctor said was why
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
