Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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