Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
