He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
