When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
