Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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