be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
