i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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