if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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