I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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