if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
