Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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