I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
