Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
