She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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