I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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