are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
