Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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