mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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