Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
