i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
