Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
