Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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