he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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