So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
