He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
