I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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