you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
