Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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