chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
