ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
