Cold hands, warm shart.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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