When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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