im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My penis needs a shock collar
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
