The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
