Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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