Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
