I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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