I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
