know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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