Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
