I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
