eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
