and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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